The Regression of The English Language.

This has nothing to do with Ebonics, illegal immigrants or the Irish. This has everything to do with the AIM, Facebook, Text messaging, Yahoo messenger, Twitter, Myspace, Youtubing mutha-fucks that we have all become. Remember when you had to write in a complete sentence? If you are older than 24 you probably do and how regretful it is that we no longer practice this lost art-form. Remember when you were expected to speak with conviction and not say “like” every 3rd word? If you do, you are probably older than me and a part of a dying breed...The breed that doesn't “LOL.” There lies the real problem; LOL, BRB, OMG, OMFG, LMAO, LMFAO, ROFL and all the other “abbrevs (for you under 23 crowd)” that are single-highhandedly destroying our ability to articulate.

                We no longer speak English, unless it's to enhance our chances of securing employment, and even then it can be quite the struggle. Far be it for me to argue against the practicality of these abbreviations while using a cellular device that has text messaging, internet, a global positioning system, and youtube capabilities...yet only 160 text characters . In the early years of my cell-phone usage I too found myself frustrated, having only 160 characters at my disposal. Surely Sprint would realize that once one had used all these characters a brand new text would need to be created. This type of inconvenience could really cost you the battle if you were arguing through text (especially in 2005). If this usage of pseudo language had ended there we would be ok. Unfortunately we have become so lazy as a society that we have now begun to speak in these abbreviations instead of saying the complete word/phrase. Have our jaw and larynx muscles devolved so much over the last 15 years that uttering “OMG” aloud is a suitable substitute for saying “Oh My God. “ I have seen this America and so have you, and we have accepted it like neutered dogs. While I have still have my youth I had promised myself that I would not enter the realm of “crotchety old men” until I was at least well into my sixties (after all there are old men who have earned the right to be in this elite club, many of whom find considerable displeasure in the things I enjoy). However, after becoming a self admitted semi-wino before the age of 30 (I was certain I would hit this mark by 35 but Franzia box wine is a mistress I cannot seem to turn away from, when frustrated by inconsistencies) I am beginning to own up to the fact that my nostalgic mind, no matter how self-deluded, has no bounds and once my nostalgia is trampled upon....well...then I must get strong with someone.

           I can be lazy with the best of them Ladies and Gentlemen, however I seek to re-take ownership of my language. Many of us would benefit from such an exercise in vocal fitness . A little less Jersey Shore, and a little more reading can't hurt anything. A little less texting and a little more talking might make you sound half interesting. A little less “16 and Pregnant on MTV” and a little more of being thankful that you were not impregnated at the age of 16 will do us all some good. Sidenote: let's be realistic there aren't many programs as acidic to the human brain yet as sinfully good as “16 and Pregnant on MTV” or “Teen Mom.” Yeah I like books but I love train wrecks too, hence why I watch this show and engage in political discussions with Mormons.