SUMMA-SUMMA-SUMMA TIME (Will Smith Don't Sue My Ass).

In a fashion that is consistent with the impending doomsday that is set to befall mankind in October of this year the weather (across much of these United States) has switched from intense dreariness to sweltering heat. It should be obvious to us all that the universe has grown weary of easing us into seasons and finds much more enjoyment in thrusting us into each changing season (like a baby shot out of its mother's uterus as if it were a cannonball). I quite like getting to the point on such matters to be honest, which is why I'm quite thrilled that summer is finally upon us. Over the nest 80-95 days I can expect to see girls... girls walking, girls walking past me, pretty girls walking past me, pretty girls walking past me in shorts, pretty girls walking past me in shorts with nice legs, pretty girls walking past me in shorts (with nice legs) that have “team player” written on the back of said shorts. Needless to say I do always seem to get the very worst neck cramps around this time of year.

If there is to be one drawback to all the goodness that could cultivate from this summer season it will undoubtedly be the health of my damn neck. Always having to look back/up/down/around at something/someone to properly assess a situation and come to the conclusion that such activity can only happen during the months of June, July and August. Always aghast or taken aback by an event so intertwined with the heat beaming down from above that at times I cannot distinguish between reality or if I am viewing some vitamin c deprived (love me some orange juice) mirage. Many may not believe, but one would be hard pressed to argue against these:

1. Women in shorts- This should come as no surprise to anyone who knows of me and the way I talk or write. I am truly convinced that the female form is the best thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Worse yet, female features become disgustingly amazing during the summer-time. Why, you ask? Shorts and sandals. Yep, that's about it. Women wearing shorts and sandals is a truly magnificent thing and is only trumped by man's inability to get shit done whilst the fairer sex is walking around in 90 degree weather . If there is a man reading this think of all the days you have wasted simply looking at women walking/running down the street in the summer. Now think about how productive the rest of your day was after being constantly bombarded with such imagery; You were supposed to get your oil changed and hit the gym...Nope. Supposed to help your mother with the lawn...Missed that one. Made a promise to your girlfriend (your girlfriend you lazy sod) into looking for employment... Yeah you said you would, but we know you enjoy not working anyway (“why work when my girl does).”
2. Terrible rap music blasting through car stereo's- You mutha-fuckin right it is going to happen the same way that it happens every summer. Let us paint this picture:

• Beautiful summer afternoon. YOU are walking down the street.
• Everybody and everything is looking beautiful.
• Pretty girl/boy just smiled at YOU as YOU walk past each other.
• Feeling generally optimistic about life and what the next day may bring
• Suddenly (insert blaring rap song coming out of a 2001 Volkswagon Jetta that sounds like shit...for the fuck of it lets say its a Lil Wayne Song)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VAynIX8WT8 You can like this song if you want....still sucks ladies and gentlemen.
• • YOUR neck snaps back/up/ in whatever direction the car is headed.
  • Car is being driven by a White/Black/Puerto Rican/Indian/Asian man or woman (race and sex rarely ever matter it this point because its always a shitty rap song-Never a good one).
  • Hopes of the good day continuing have immediately been compromised. You walk now feeling annoyed and thinking to yourself “What do people see in Weezy? He sounds like a chipmunk! I'm going back inside to the air conditioning.”
   
  3. Men wearing Sandals- I hate to be terse, but men and sandals simply have no business occupying the same sentence. A lot of good men, whom I know, and consider dear friends wear sandals. Despite my otherwise good dealings with these men I must say “SHAME ON THEM.” In a mental survey I conducted it has been discovered that 97% of men who walk this Earth (over the age of 18) have hideous feet with mild foot odor. What thinking and rational male would expose this physical flaw in themselves to the world around them? Frat Boy Conservatives? Yes. Justin Timberlake? Sure. Trust Fund Liberals? You know it. Jean Claude Van Damme? Well he is from Europe isn't he?! I guess in the end it is no business of mine and maybe my eyes should not be venturing down at the ground to view a man's gargoyle-like feet...Point is, if men were not wearing sandals I would be writing about this shit online.
  If I haven't already made my point on the sandle issue I doubt that anything else I could say would be more effective. Lets be honest...The sandles issue was wrapped up within the first 3 sentences.
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