Spring 2007; The plan had been set into motion. Three guys would have their night out and women were not to be involved. All three men liked women just fine, however sometimes for the sake of a man’s sanity he must occasionally abstain from a gender that he does not fully understand. Cologne, sweater-vests, blazers and shorts were all on the fashion menu that evening for these three dashing men. The decision had been made to head to the “Gay club” in the area, due to the overwhelming evidence that if any good music is to be heard it will most likely NOT be played at a predominantly straight establishment (especially in the Midwest). The plan of attack has been formulated: Three straight male dancers will go into predominantly Gay nightclub and take it over with incredible dance, charisma, shoes and sweat. Should be easy enough in the minds of these three chaps. Each of them dancers who take pride in dancing rather well when the opportunity presents itself to show off, plus dub-step does not exist yet ( let’s face it-shit was easier before dub-step came along) . Even all of the right racial factors are set into play amongst these three men to make them a formidable dancing triple threat:
· Black male, slightly below average height in excellent physical condition with a fresh set of Corn rolls, no kids and a practitioner of the hip-hop styles.
· White Male, well above average height, in excellent physical condition with an aggressively receding hair-line (not that the women seem to care to be quite honest), no kids and a practitioner of the Modern dance/hip-hop styles.
· Puerto Rican male, of average height, in excellent physical condition, with slick Puerto Rican hair, no kids (that we know of) and a practitioner of Latin Dance and Puerto Rican Judo.
Truly quite the trio to be scene my fellow Americans. Clearly...it’s goin down!
Truly quite the trio to be scene my fellow Americans. Clearly...it’s goin down!
Our travelers finally reach their destination and dancing quickly ensues. Good music, plenty of dance space, that strobe light shit that is known to cause seizures and not a pretty girl in sight (the less distractions the better). At the midway point of the night our black male decides to sit down, embrace the sweat running down along his brow and enjoy his lemon flavored malt beverage. Out of the corner of his eye he notices a 6’4’’ tall Dominican man wearing an oversized white t-shirt, baggy pants (without the proper assistance of a belt) and Timberland's staring at him intensely from the right side of the club. Thinking nothing of this discovery our black male gives the Dominican gentleman the standard head nod and quickly directs his attention back to his lemon flavored malt beverage. Through the use of his peripheral vision our black male notices that he is still being stared at by this rather tall Dominican fellow as if our black male friend were prey. Undaunted our black male quickly finishes his drink and makes his way back to the dance floor only to be stopped at the last moment by the Dominican giant. Conversation unfolds as follows:
· Black male (slightly below average male height and realizing that he will never use the term “shawty” to describe anyone or anything for the rest of his fucking life)- “Oh ya know just kickin it with my homeboys; ya know tryin to get down and have a good time.”
· 6’4’’ Dominican Man- “Yea, that’s wassup. I seen you gettin down over there, you got some moves. You look real nice.”
· Black male (slightly below average male height and frustrated because he is starting to realize how women must feel, plus his song is on)- “Thanks. Well I’ma get back out there brotha, have a nice night.”
· 6’4’’ Dominican Man- “Oh you just gonna dip out on me like that? HAHA, we just started talkin. Look, real quick, the tall white boy over there....is that your man?”
· Black male (who, for the first time in his life, was assumed to be involved in some type of interracial dating that actually did not make him feel good)- “What?!?! Nah bro, that’s my homeboy.”
· Black male (now frustrated that his favorite song has ended and sensing this could be some down-low nonsense)- “Ha, oh no brotha. I’m not gay.”
· 6’4’’ Dominican (with stone expression)- “Oh, neither am I (as he motions with his head in the direction of the restroom).”
· Black male (now having confirmed that this is in fact some down-low nonsense)- “Ok look I am not on the D/L and even if I was you should at least have the common decency to have bought me another fucking Smirnoff. I mean seriously you took up my favorite song with all this business. Could have at least bought me a Smirnoff. I’m sure that when you go to the straight clubs on Fridays and hit on women you buy them drinks. But here you are on a Saturday night and not only do you try and pick me up, one of the 3 confirmed straight guys in here, but you don’t even have the common decency to have bought me a drink for all this!? Kinda weak bro.”
· Black Male (now feeling 7 feet tall)-”NO SIR, WHAT A WASTE OF MY TIME! WHEN DANITY KANE IS PLAYING I SHOULD BE DANCING, NOT DEALING WITH YOUR DOWN-LOW TOM-FOOLERY. WHEN YOU LIE TO THESE WOMEN I HOPE YOU AT LEAST BUT THEM A DRINK!!!!”
Dancing continued until closing time and our three travelers returned to their respective locations at the end of the night. Morals of the story:
2. Men on the Down-Low...STOP IT. Be who you are honestly and you will save yourself and others alot of confusion.
3. If you are still too scared to be who you are, and insist on acting straight on Friday and being gay on Saturday, at least offer to buy both sexes a drink while you inconvenience them your dishonesty a drink for Christ’s sake.
4. Dub-Step sucks. No, it sucks.
worddddd
ReplyDelete